I would like to publicly apologize to the host of our home game last week for my inexplicable behavior. I swear it was not my previous understanding that my Poker Face and my O Face completely switched places.

There I was, holding a pair of Kings in my hand when the flop came out: King, Queen, Queen. My years of experience in the game has taught me that on such occasions, I am supposed to hold in my joy, play it slow, and try to lure other players into betting. That night, however, my face scrunched up, I grunted like a boar, and my entire body lunged forward, spilling my chips all over your face cards.

That was not my intention. Neither was falling asleep right after, leaving you and the other players to clean up. It was still early, and I regret the game ended so soon because I was unable to go on. I swear on my life that had never happened before.

I only fully understood the extent of my predicament when later that night, some girl and I were making out and one thing led to another. It was the wildest, craziest time of my life, but I could convey none of it. I wanted to tell her so badly how awesome it felt, how I was the luckiest man in the world, but my mouth formed no words, and my face remained a impenetrable wall. The sunglasses did not help.

Precisely my expression in the heat of the moment.

I sincerely wish that this quirk of mine does not deter you from inviting me the next time you have a game. I am pretty sure it only happened because it was my first time playing with you. And if it does happen again, I promise I will at least give you a warning first, perhaps by tapping on your head.

I hold a religious pamphlet in my hand. The churchgoer who gave it to me explained the painting printed on it: it is Paradise. A clear river weaves between the bright green trees and foliage. People of all cultures live together in harmony, everyone dressed in their traditional garb. The wild animals, too, are tame. A little girl wraps her arms around a lion. A father shows his son how to properly feed cherries to a bear.

It has to be said: I am one good-looking dude.

Little Sue wore glasses
and had frog heads for breasts.

I recently met up with a couple friends from high school, both of whom I had not seen since the early days of college. One of them has become a flight attendant. The other, a nurse. Combine that with my current career as a graphic designer, and we all happened to have taken on roles that would fit quite appropriately in a Japanese porno.