Infestation Rematch
Summer has arrived again, which means the return of my old nemesis: the ants.
What is it about summer that brings out these tiny dudes? At first I thought it was kind of adorable, a lone ant here and there, scouting for food with its little antennae, but these guys sure can’t keep a good thing secret; before long, their entire family is invited, and I am faced with the awkward situation of forced small talk with its distant uncles and aunts. Having learned from my experience last year, I dismissed the idea of befriending anyone this time. As I spray down the insecticide, I don’t even look them in the eyes.
The problem had gotten so bad, spiders began invading. The infestation, as it turned out, was moving up the food chain. I suppose the logical question, then, is why I did not let this process continue until it reached the top—man—at which point it would be a pretty rockin’ party. But this assumes that man is at the top. Who is to say that sharks would not come by and chomp us into bits? Or a gang of Nelly Furtado’s? No, such scenarios were too risky.
The insecticide I am using also has the bonus fragrance of citrus, which saves me time from not having to apply deodorant before I leave the house. You may not believe me, but this is the scent that really knocks the women out.

