My Real Life is Boring.

It’s pretty much like yours, really. Food goes in, food comes out. The only excitement arises when after a long period of food not coming out, I am relieved by a high fiber diet. Hm, I would think, that was good. Now to wipe.

My Internet Life is Awesome.

As I said in the Preface, if blogging about what happened in my life is too boring, then I shall blog about all the things that didn’t. Like that time when I ended my friendship with an ungrateful ant. Or that heart-warming moment I shared with my robotic dog. Or that school trip where I totally did it with the cheerleading sextuplets.

No, wait. That last thing never happened, both in real life or on the internet. Alas, some things are never meant to be.

My Childhood was Tough.

After blogging for months, I realized that readers were probably curious about the humble beginnings of a worldly gentleman such as myself. I’m sure it comes as a surprise that I wasn’t always so gentlemanly. Rather, for much of my childhood, I was known as a tough little shit.

At three weeks old, I battled alcohol addiction, barely able to pronounce my own name at the anonymous meeting. Not because I was drunk and incoherent, but mostly because I was three weeks old. This and other blurry memories are blogged through comics because they appeal to youngsters, and if there is anything I would like to accomplish during my time on Earth, it is to let any alcoholic babies out there know that they are not alone in their struggle. If I can reach out to just one of them, then I would have done my job.

Oh, okay, fine. The reality is I was just a fat little kid known as Bobo. But nobody has to know that.