I would like to publicly apologize to the host of our home game last week for my inexplicable behavior. I swear it was not my previous understanding that my Poker Face and my O Face completely switched places.

There I was, holding a pair of Kings in my hand when the flop came out: King, Queen, Queen. My years of experience in the game has taught me that on such occasions, I am supposed to hold in my joy, play it slow, and try to lure other players into betting. That night, however, my face scrunched up, I grunted like a boar, and my entire body lunged forward, spilling my chips all over your face cards.

That was not my intention. Neither was falling asleep right after, leaving you and the other players to clean up. It was still early, and I regret the game ended so soon because I was unable to go on. I swear on my life that had never happened before.

I only fully understood the extent of my predicament when later that night, some girl and I were making out and one thing led to another. It was the wildest, craziest time of my life, but I could convey none of it. I wanted to tell her so badly how awesome it felt, how I was the luckiest man in the world, but my mouth formed no words, and my face remained a impenetrable wall. The sunglasses did not help.

Precisely my expression in the heat of the moment.

I sincerely wish that this quirk of mine does not deter you from inviting me the next time you have a game. I am pretty sure it only happened because it was my first time playing with you. And if it does happen again, I promise I will at least give you a warning first, perhaps by tapping on your head.