I was in line at the movie theater when a young boy walked up to a Terminator poster, widened his eyes, and shouted, “Look, dad! Transformers!”

“That’s Terminator,” his dad said, calmly.

“Why does it say Transformers?”

And then as if the entire moment was scripted, his younger brother walked up, and said, “Wow, Transformers!”

This lack of basic comprehension can clearly be attributed to the new generation’s unwillingness to communicate in whole words, preferring instead to substitute them with only a few key letters. But this can get confusing. For example, I received a text message last week that only said “U SCK”. Immediately, I started thinking how kind this stranger was to ask if I was sick.

I wrote back, saying, “FU”. Trying to be hip and all, I had taken out the L in FLU.

His reply: “FU too.” Alas, it seemed we were both stricken by the virus.

This morning, in furthering our conversation, I was unable to continue these juvenile games, so I typed out my words in whole, saying, “How unfortunate. So it seems that influenza does not discriminate in selecting its victims.”

He must’ve understood my cue, because he too gave up the ridiculous spellings, and wrote out, “What the fuck you talking about, gay wad, influnez and shit. What’s this about discrimate, you fuking racist?”

Confusing, to say the least. You may think I was hurt by such an outburst, but if in my conversations with young people, I can bestow the gift of eloquence upon just one of them, just as I did here, I do not mind the reputation of a homosexual collection of sperm who also happens to hate minorities. In taking on this mission of mine, I have long understood the risks.