Ode to My Soft Banana
I am not so blind as to not realize that this topic is subject to crude metaphors or, perhaps worse, an epic allegory of erectile dysfunction, but this is genuine human sorrow, derived from the fact that the moment I finish writing this, I will have to throw away a banana for having turned stale. It sits on my desk now, unaware of its fate. This is for you, banana.
I remember like it was yesterday: my girlfriend and I were walking through the supermarket when suddenly I remembered my mom had called me earlier, telling me to add more fruits to my diet. In browsing through the produce section, I sought a fruit that was cheap and easy to prepare. At 28 cents a pound, none compared to you.
For two weeks you sat on my desk, not complaining when I chose to eat your siblings first, patiently waiting your turn. When I watched TV, you never complained about it being too loud. When I was doing my homework, you did your best to not distract me. Our friendship, if you don’t mind me calling it that, was so strong, you often reminded me of my good childhood friend, Margaret. Indeed, on more than one occasion, I would get confused and mistake you for her, much to my embarrassment.
And throughout this past week, even as your skin lost its original yellow luster, you never rushed me. Even when I grabbed you, and we both realized you were no longer as firm, you did not raise your voice. You believed, deep down, that I would come around to eating you. Of all the fruits I’ve ever had, you always were the most selfless.
And when I first entered elementary school, when I did not yet have any friends, you were the first to step up and introduce yourself. I was shy, did not say much, but you welcomed me into your heart nonetheless, and in doing so, made a little boy so happy he could cry. But I suppose all good things must come to an end, and if I did not treat you the best way that I could, if I ever hurt you in any way, I am sorry.
I’ll truly miss you, Margaret.
so man when r we watching watchmen? i didn’t want to leave you a message on a blog that did not happen, but i guess it is my last resort…
watchmen is outttt!!!! ohshitohshitohshit
In other news, somebody needs to write an epic allegory of erectile dysfunction, although I do not think it is possible for any such allegory to not be epic.
Blogger Plz erectile dysfunction is serious matter and should not be taken lightly. On the other hand, a man who are not capable of being a man could be an epic allegory.
Uhm, did he say he has a soft banana?
Well written, but this passage is a bit unrealistic:
“my girlfriend and I were walking through the supermarket” - maybe less fiction next time?
Bye,
B
i would like to thank who ever wrote this for brighting my day to an extreme amount. me, being “slightly” obcessed with banNanas, am now going to really contemplait starting the huge essay due in 2 days, as well as starting the book its supose to be about. So thank you, strangle little person for publishing your ode to your soft banana.
Thanks jessica. I’m glad my post dedicated to a banana provided inspiration. But please, do not strangle the little person.
ewww do you have soft banana issues kev..just wait ill be able to prescribe something for you in 2 months
Let me repeat: I do not suffer from soft banana issues. This was about an actual banana. A banana I thought was Margaret.
But uh, say I have a friend who does. Could you prescribe him that stuff? I can pass it along to him..