Bathroom Lock
Today, I realized that some people, in the company of family and close friends, do not lock the door when they go to the bathroom. It is trust, they said, that no one is going to blow the door open to commit sins. I am a self-proclaimed lover of new experiences, so just now, I too urinated while my friends had unobstructed access to a viewing, if they so chose. Now I am afraid I have sent the wrong message.
In my mind, I see my future son, all grown up and recently acquitted for a murder. Throughout the trial, I have told him that I completely trusted him, that no baby of mine would do such a thing. But now that he’s free and living in my house, I often wonder if he has told me the whole truth. We soon fall silent as we watch TV. Getting slightly uncomfortable, I get up to go to the bathroom, and he hears a click on the door.
“What, dad?” he would say, “Don’t you trust me?”
And I would go, “What do you mean, son? I have always padlocked the bathroom door and thrown out the key.”
You know I don’t think our bathroom door has a lock. I always tell them if the door is closed and they see the light under the door then it is in use. Of course, when guests stay overnight I have to remember not to pee in the dark with the door open butt naked!
I demand you send me one of your monocles (either one is fine, pipe also accepted but not a necessity). Thank you in advance.
Oh yeah, I just noticed you’re wearing two monocles!
Mik: Yes, two monocles. Sign of a true man. As is being butt naked, but well-clothed everywhere else.
Jenny: I may be willing to part with my left monocle. My unforgiving eyebrow twitches have worn it out to the point where I might have to replace it.