The ant infestation would’ve been a lot worse if I had not befriended one of them. Jeffrey was surprisingly intelligent for an ant, and possessed a rare sense of humor that never failed to amuse me. His impression of Al Pacino in Scarface was particularly uncanny.

He also wrote a blog that occasionally revealed his thoughts on politics and philosophy, but more often were filled with narratives of his life. It was in one of these latter posts that I found him putting me in a negative light. Apparently, trying to warm up his friends with a magnifying glass was sadistic. Um, hello? I had the air conditioner on, and I wanted to make sure nobody was cold.

We never spoke again after I confronted him about it, and before long, the infestation looked more and more like a nuisance. I did not feel right about using ant traps from the supermarket though, because the image of Jeffrey writhing in pain, waiting only for death, was uncomfortable for me. A friend told me I could introduce natural predators, like small geckos. That was the right idea, but with the scope of the infestation, I decided to go one step further.

I’m sorry, Jeffrey. You were my little friend. I hope the anteaters make it quick for you.